One of the great gifts of sobriety for me has been "getting a life." Today my life is so full. A good full. Filled with recovery, family, creativity, friends, community, explorations and more. What also comes with this is service. In each area of my life service is the ulitimate objective. It can be very subtle things like bringing cookies to the neighborhood block party or more obvious like picking up the phone to call someone who is struggling. The service aspect, for me, is what makes it all so good.
That said (this is when the inner struggle comes in)... I so desperately need to take the time to fill up again. I am of no use to anyone if my glass is empty. So it comes to forcing myself to let some things go in order to get some chill time for me. I don't know if it is a woman thing, a mommy thing or a human thing but I get such guilt because there is so much to do. So I take the time in spite of my guilty feelings because I have been told by doctors, my sponsor, friends and books that I need to do this. It always turns out OK but there is that little voice in the back of my head saying "don't just sit around watching movies! there are things that need to be done!"
A friend of mine once told me to say "thanks for sharing" and move on. So like many other areas of my life that I still struggle with I take the action and turn it over. Maybe some day I will actually HAVE EVERYTHING DONE! Until then things can wait a few hours and my inner struggles will have to get over it.
1 comments:
As usual, G, you have hit it on the head with this one. I am having BIG TIME struggles with the guilt thing. I am at the end of my rope, energy wise, and I need to start saying 'No' more. MUCH more. And then I feel super guilty when I do that and its a vicious circle.
I could go on and on about where this all comes from with me. Childhood, marriage, work. I am surrounded by people that help me play the guilt card.
I need help.
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