Have You Read Step Ten?

This is the question I want to ask people whenever I hear them say "you may not like it but I will come to you and tell you the truth if you like it or not." I have heard this shared in meetings many times. A friend of mine with 16 years of sobriety had someone approach her and tell her she was going to drink. Then went into some of her character defects. My friend walked out of the meeting in tears. WOW! If I had that ability to tell you all who will drink and who won't. WOW! I would be really a very special person. WOW!

So when this happens I can of course take in to consideration what the person has to say. My gurl chose to look at the defects that were slammed in her face and take away what she could. I can also consider the source. If it is a friend I am all ears. I know they are truly trying to help. When it is someone who does not know me I always have to wonder, what IS the motive?

That is when I flash to Step Ten...

"We "constructively criticized" someone who needed it, when our real motives was to win a useless argument. Or, the person concerned not being present, we thought we were helping others to understand him, when in actuality our true motive was to feel superior by pulling him down. We sometimes hurt those we love because they need to be "taught a lesson," when we really want to punish. We were depresses and complained we felt bad, when in fact we were mainly asking for sympathy and attention. This off trait of mind and emotion, this perverse wish to hide a bad motive underneath a good one, permeates human affairs from top to bottom. This subtle and elusive kind of self-righteousness can underlie the smallest act or thought.

So as I actually practice this defect of character by writing this post it keeps me from at least approaching people and opening my BIG mouth. Restraint of tongue at least.

When I hear one of my friends was hurt I can not help that inner mama bear that seems to want to protect. It comes out and by the grace of God and the Steps I have learned to tame it. If however I get off the spiritual beam my actions will be just as bad as the one who attacked my friend. I am no better. I have to be the change I want to see. Keep my actions right and my mouth shut.

I am grateful for Step Ten. I am grateful for my sponsor. I am grateful I don't have to be perfect and neither do you!